Ramblings, Rantings, and occasionally a photo or two.

Andy was always a little different. The first thing people noticed was that he had blue eyes. He was the only one in the family that didn’t have brown eyes. He saw the world differently too. Everything was wonderful, and everywhere was a wonderland. Every tree, bush, and flower mystified him. He also loved to stare at the buildings down town. The older it was, the more he liked it. Those were the ones with character. But his favorite thing to watch was the animals. There were always plenty of animals about; he grew up in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. There were deer in his back yard every day. He had a cat for a while until they found out his sister was allergic and they sent it to a special farm in Wyoming, that’s what he was told anyway. He had a dog they called Sparky, but he was the family dog, not a wild animal. His favorite thing was the ones you don’t see all the time: Raccoons, porcupines, he even saw a fox once. But what he really wanted to see was a coyote. It was a common, yet elusive creature that somehow managed to leave its mark, but never be seen.

His time spent alone made it hard for him to connect and socialize with other people. He didn’t have any friends in the neighborhood, except for James, who was two years younger than him to the day. James was eight before he could pronounce a “D” sound, so Andy was Annie when James would talk, but Andy didn’t care. His little brother Brad called him Andrea, so he was used to it and knew it wasn’t on purpose from James. James’ family moved away when he was nine, and Andy was devastated. Andy tried to make friends with the other boys but was teased relentlessly. He wasn’t at all athletic, and was a little overweight; so he was always last to be picked for teams. It even got to where if there were ten boys, they would play five on four and leave him out. Scouts were basketball every week, so he stopped going, and never earned his Eagle Scout award. 

 Andy’s lack of friendships was hard for him to take, and he soon drifted into depression. He spoke to his bishop about it when he was 12, and his bishop asked him, “How’s your testimony?” It was an insult. So is “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. Inside a depressed mind, suicide is sometimes the only solution. So he tried it. He found a bottle of pills and took about twenty of them, and then he went down to his room and waited to die. He sat on his bed, drinking a glass of water, absolutely devastated that he would not live long enough to kiss a girl, to drive a car, to have his own house so he could make the rules, or to fall in love. But he didn’t regret deciding to end it. He was tired of the sad, the pain of being alone, and was looking forward to seeing Jesus and telling him, “Sorry, it was just too hard”. It took a couple hours, but eventually, he could no longer sit there. He had to pee. He got up and went into the bathroom, and he couldn’t believe what he saw. His pee was so bright yellow it looked like would glow in the dark. Or light up a room.

 He laughed. It had been a long time since he had laughed, and it felt great. He decided he wanted to laugh even more, so he went into the living room, and put a tape recording of Saturday Night Live in the VCR. He watched a skit with Eddie Murphy called Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood, and laughed so hard he cried. He can still remember it today. The word of the day was Ransom, and he climbed out the window to get away from paying rent to his landlord, played by Mr. T. He went to play outside and forgot all about wanting to die.

When he was 15 he wanted to get in shape, and because of a genetic condition with his knees, the doctor recommended riding a bicycle. His dad scrimped and saved and for Christmas that year, Andy was given a Trek Antelope 830. It was beautiful, and he rode it everywhere. Very quickly Andy lost weight and started to build muscle in his arms and legs. He no longer had any back pain. He would race the bus to school from the bus’s last stop, and before long he would win. It was hard work at first, but it got easier, and then it became a joy. He got a job the next year at Toys “R” Us and rode his bike the 11 miles to work and the 11 miles home almost every day. He got pulled over once for speeding. On his bicycle. Seriously. A police officer put on his lights and used the megaphone to tell him to pull over. It was hilarious. Andy worked on his sense of humor at the same time he worked on his cycling skills. He never became the class clown, but he was very good at breaking the tension in a stressful situation with a well-placed joke. 

People began to like him. He joined the ballroom dance team, and he worked very hard and was part of the First Place State Championship Team. Some of the boys from the neighborhood kept trying to tease him, but he didn’t care. It would roll right off his back. They called him gay, but he was the one holding the most beautiful girls in school and dancing with them every day. It became completely natural to put forward his best effort in everything that he did. He served a mission for his church and found wonderful successes as well as an amazing testimony there. 

Things changed after that, he came home from his mission in London and worked part time for his dad, but his life had no direction. His mind was always set to “Go on a mission” but it didn’t see beyond that. It didn’t take long and the depression symptoms were creeping back in. He saw a doctor and was given a prescription. It seemed to take the edge off, but it wasn’t a cure. He got married to an amazing woman. Her name was Cloma, but everyone called her by her middle name, Lori Jo. Lori grew up out in the country, in a small town called Hoytsville. She had four older brothers, and they gave her one choice: Get tough or die. She was tough. Andy was too, but Lori could pin him. He didn’t mind. They moved several times and settled into a very small house just after their second child was born. They built an addition on the back of the house, and he enjoyed the work. Andy worked several jobs, but he ultimately couldn’t get along with or was misunderstood by his bosses and let go. He had a job at the post office for four years. He worked hard at it, and he was a top performer there. Everything was going fine, and he was happy. Then one day everything changed.

On a Friday morning, Andy threw his bike in the back of the van and drove down to the repair shop. He left them the keys, pulled out his bike, and headed for home. He had a new bike that he loved very much. It was an adult size, one-speed bike. No shifting gears, no suspension, and it was perfect. The man driving the van was probably in a hurry. He saw a gap in the cars and pulled out, he just didn’t see the guy on the bike. Andy was hit hard on his left side. He was thrown from his bike into the middle of the road, where he hit his head very hard. They scooped him up, and he stopped breathing. Then his heart stopped. They got it started, and it stopped again. After the second time it started he began breathing again. He laid in the ICU unconscious for three days, with his wife by his side. She was told it was a waiting game to see if the swelling and bleeding in his brain would stop and he would live, or it would not, and he would not. Lori spent two days waiting before they said it was looking good. She never let go of his hand. She would squeeze his hand three times in a row. It stood for I Love You. It was something they did before, and she was hoping he would squeeze back so she would know he was there, but he never did. After the third day, once he was stable, and he was moved to a room out of the ICU. People came to visit almost non-stop, but he doesn’t remember much of it. Recovery was slow, and things had changed. He lost his sense of smell and continues to suffer from anxiety to this day. He works on it though. It continues to be the biggest challenge he has ever faced, but great blessings have come from it. He and Lori both knew that working for the post office was a ticket to disaster, so when he received a letter from them telling him he was not being rehired, they celebrated with a bottle of Sparkling Cider they got as a Christmas gift. 

 Things that were once easy for him are harder now, and he still can’t ride a bicycle without being overcome with anxiety, but he’s working on it. Lori was able to have their fourth child, a girl, almost exactly a year to the day from his accident. He has time to spend with his family and loves to play with his little princess. He started school again and is working hard to become the first person in his family to earn a bachelors degree. He started photography again and has been able to earn a little money doing it. He’s working part time doing carpentry work with his dad, and he loves it. Especially when he can work hard because it chases the blues away. His life is filled with things he is investing himself in, and although there are some days that are just hard, Andy is happy. One of his favorite things to do has never before been told, but when he needs a good laugh; he drinks a big glass of water, and takes four or five Vitamin C tablets. It’s a trick he learned all those years ago: How to make Super Yellow Pee.